I look better un-naked...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
