I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
