Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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