I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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