I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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