he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
