I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
