i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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