She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
