Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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