don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
