I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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