Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
