I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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