I'm going to jail i love you
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize