farters have to be the big spoon...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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