I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
