She is in my trunk
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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