I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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