just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
