Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
