I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
