So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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