why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
