Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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