remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I didn't notice because vodka
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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