Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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