Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
