bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
