she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
