...so i touched it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
