I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
