I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
