I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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