The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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