Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
