there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
