Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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