Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
