"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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