come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
