one might say we're banned from that church
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
