Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My Higher Power is John Stamos
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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