i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
