Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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