I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
