Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
