After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
