He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My pussy is not your playground.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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