HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
