I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
