fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
