sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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