I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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