yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
