duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
