Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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