Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
