Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
