Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
