who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
