____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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