Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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