I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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