what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
