dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
